I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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