dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
