Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
