just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
