She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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