i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
