so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
