woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
