All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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