There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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