I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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