just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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