whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
