I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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