im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
