all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
