i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
