I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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