i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
