On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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