Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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