Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
