Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
