I got chris browned last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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