I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
