I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
