When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
