what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
