guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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