I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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