weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
