Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
