nut hugger
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
