I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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