Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
