I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
