also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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