I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
