I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
