dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
