If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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