He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
