Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
