I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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