I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
