i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Barsexuality is the new black.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
