U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
