Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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