i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
