You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
