My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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