p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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